I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
