the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
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I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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