And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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