Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
