did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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