I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
