You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i think i just lost a toe
Fuck me I smell like cheese
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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