so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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