She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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