if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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