If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Shame - the story of my life.
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