Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
