You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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