It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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