quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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