he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize