Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
