i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
