you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
