Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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