Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
