ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
