who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
