some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
