well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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