this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
