Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
