im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
