If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
