I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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