He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
