i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
