she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
