Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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