He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
