I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
