I just threw up on my dentist
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You can't just leave with hair like that
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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