We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
