Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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