dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
