It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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