I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
