Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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