I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She told me I should be a condom model.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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