After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize