am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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