She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
