You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
this boner is exhausting
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
How naked do you want me to be?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
