I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
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She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
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And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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