ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Screwed.edu
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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