i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
