we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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