I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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