Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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