It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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