I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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