The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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