Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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