im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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