he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
im six kinds of drunk right now
you traded sex for a burrito?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
