The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
try to milk me bitch
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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