sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
