I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I wish there were birth control emojis
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
